Guts within Me

Talking about guts ...

I seriously have no guts within myself ... UNTIL

I watch youtube about Xiaxue's Guide To Life .

Actually I don't know much about Xiaxue , but I know her through youtube .

Xiaxue is a Singapore famous blogger .

I can said that she have guts to do everything , like plastic surgery , dying striking hair colour and what she wrote in her blog .

How amazing is that .

I just hope I can do that , but something is pulling back within me .

I think money is my 1st problem and confidence within me is my 2nd problem .

Erm...

I want to make myself looks better .

I want something outstanding within myself .

Other than this ,

I need approval to do change myself .

What I mean by changing myself doesn't mean I need to be like Xiaxue .

I just need to built my confidence and make myself more "obvious" in front of everyone .

Maybe I'm just like a good girl to everyone .

That's why I can't do it .

I only can do it when no one is around .

For an example ,

I dress up myself at home , then I put make-up on .

Then I do my own photo shoot .

Can you see how worst is it .

I'm hiding myself .

Anyhow ,

I'm ugly at home ;

I'm a good girl at school ;

I'm pretty when I'm at outside .

That's me .

No one can help me unless I help myself .

Unless my bf and my family let me dye my hair .

LoL ~ !